Saturday, December 31, 2011

I've Been Thinking About Writing a Book

I've been going through of those obligatory life/student phases where I don't want to be doing what I'm doing in life right now.  I've hit a point where I am finally about as semi-successful in school as I really want to be and I only feel half fulfilled in life.  Sure, I like where I am with people and I feel like I'm finally making choices and making connections that will get me closer to my dream job of game design, but I don't feel like I'm doing anything really constructive with my life.  That was the awesome thing about going to an art high school-- I got to always be around people working on a huge long-term project and help them develop ideas.  I got to study the process of making these sorts of things, but I never got to really make one for myself since I didn't actually officially ever go to the school for any sort of art, no matter how much I'd like to pretend.

So recently I've been thinking about taking a semester or two off from school to get reacquainted with this creative side I've lost in the past two years.  A lot of self inflection has helped me to realize that it was this sort of constant creative atmosphere that empowered me in the last few years of high school.  When I went to college for engineering, this exact feeling of empowerment and self-actualization was squandered by the very rigorous nature of the engineering program.  Calling yourselves "more creative scientists" isn't very accurate when you are still forced to think in one very linear way, guys.  Don't fool yourselves.  I like what you're doing though, don't stop.

I'd been looking for outlets in school, and so far I've found a couple, but I personally haven't sat down to do something for myself in much too long.  Lately I've been doing a lot of writing between blogs and my work over at Default Prime, so I've been thinking about getting some sort of writing project done.  The first thing that came to mind was some sort of retrospective video game book, very much like my Bitereon Collection articles that I write, but while I would enjoy that immensely, I don't know if I'm at a place in my life where I could put my heart into it.  I think if I wrote a book, I would just want to write some sort of personal memoir or just book about stuff as it relates to me.  I'd like to think I'm an interesting and entertaining guy, right?  I've got some poignant stuff I've learned from life that people should get to hear, dammit.

The hardest part really, is deciding if I just want to sit down and write.  It was when walking with a good friend of mine that she turned to me and said "If you wanna write a book, just do it.  You don't have to take a whole year to do it.  If you want, just work on it between classes or on weekends.  You can write a book now."

And you know what, she's right.  If I want to write a book-- if I want to do anything, I should just do it and do it now.  If I have something that's worth doing for me, it can find the time, whether I'm swamped in schoolwork or taking a peaceful year off.  Looking for time is making an excuse, and excuses are just a way to keep yourself from achieving what you need to do.  The best things out there in this world were made without inhibition and with intuition.  If I look for excuses to not write a book or anything, it will just never get written, really.  Perhaps I shall make that my goal for the New Year.

I'm sure there's a life lesson in there somewhere, readers.